I have reached the point where I am so over studying. I think I reached this point ages ago. Five (full time) years just seems way too long. I am struggling to stay on top of the game.

My thesis deadline is looming, and keep thinking I've finished, but everyday I learn there is something more I need to add.

It seems no one really cares how I feel or what my thoughts are, or even how my day was. I get home from a day in uni, and ask how people spent there day. It would be nice if someone bothered asking me, but genuwinely meant it. It's nice just to show you give a damn.

The past two nights I haven't been sleeping very well. Both nights I had nightmares and both times it was about my upcoming jobs. The first one was for Santa Photos, I dreamt that it was first day, and everything that could go wrong, pretty much did. I was in high stress and it was disastrous. The second night, it was about my graduate job. I had changed into the other person with a similar name that is already working there. I was in Canberra and it looked alot like a dirty Chinatown. Even though I've been to Canberra and it doesn't look like Chinatown. In this dream, I had already died and it was a re-telling of my death. So I was at work in Canberra (a dirty Chinatown), then I came across so corrupt business. I was chased by these guys and pretty much killed. But there was all this mystery around my murder, cause no one really knew I was murdered. But rather assumed I had gone missing.

I wonder what dream I'll have tonight. It'll prolly be about other depressing things.

I was born on the year of the Rat
Rats have some association with mice
Mice must be quiet to survive
Or splat, and they're lives will come to an end

Since I am like rat, which in turn is like mice
I need to ssshhh, and learn to be quiet to survive
Close yourself off, cause that's how it must be
I am now that little mouse, shhing to survive

It I continue to bottle up my annoyance it will just anger me some more. Its so hypocritical, "I hate going places, I hate people", yet one can spend all night our somewhere with people, you are hardly friends with. Oh, and another thing, I wouldn't want to waste my cab charges *on you*.

It would be nice if people returned your calls, I think it is plain rude when one doesn't, especially they known you've called. Also getting excessive drunk is no excuse. If we could all blame drinking for our problems, then the world would be a very different place.

So, I think it is beginning, I am young and meant to be carefree, I should be spending my Fridays out, as most people are, however here I am at 9:30pm sitting in front of my computer, thinking of my sad existence.

I will just continue to be bitter for a while, even though bitterness isn't much a good side of me. But it might age me somewhat and people won't think I am twelve.

I am just so angry and annoyed at everything at the moment, I don't want to say these things out loud, cause "it will hurt people feelings" (sarcastically). Another annoyance my regard for other people's feelings and yet no regard for mine.

During my procrastinating and not wanting to study at all. I came across this in my googling I came across this mad wedding cake topper, if I can't arrive in a pumpkin carriage I'm gonna have it on my cake, I found it here. I think it is absolutely beautiful. How stupid would I be to order it now and save it or even use it as an ornament. Is soooooo pretty. By the way I think I have done no study this exam period. I'm not motivated to study, because one subject is a 2nd year subject, while the other is just bs, taught by some guy from me, and he can't speak properly, just mumbles.